The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
God, I missed his penis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
