matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
