idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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