i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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