Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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