she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
