No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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