I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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