It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
3 2 1 whiskey
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Couch. On fire.
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