My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
