Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
