the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
