i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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