You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
