my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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