you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
