some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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