That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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