We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
