I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
