Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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