you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
