yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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