:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
