Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
