The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
