The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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