Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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