My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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