HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
