I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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