Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
