Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
