I skipped work to stalk him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
