In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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