Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
