last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
