WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
