The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
