so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
