So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
