his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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