I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.