He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize