Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.