Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
