That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
