Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
