do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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