it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
