i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
