What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
