I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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