went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
