what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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