Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
