my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
