How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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