Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
