i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
