Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
