I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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