DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
