Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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