just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
