You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize