I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
