You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
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I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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