Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
