K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
