man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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