how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
