The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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