That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
